[02 Dec 2009|09:07pm] fuck me, i hate feeling insecure about friendships. Words

[30 Nov 2009|01:33am] All bad feelings/emotions definitely gone now. They melted away as I got up here :) I love life now. Finished my paper, my group project, talked to people I love, and am now watching Dexter! ♥ I love it here, this is my home and I love it. Words

[29 Nov 2009|02:49am] Hooooooly shit, so much emotional drama. I don't even know. I just want to be back home. I just want to be back in Berkeley. I don't like this. I didn't see people/go places I like. Sigh. I didn't go to Seal Beach. Or 2nd street. Or see Jamie/Robyn/Evan/Henry/Nadir. Sigh. Sigh. sigh. sigh. Fuck. And then getting caught WAY THE FUCK OFF GUARD by a video with Cleo in it. Which makes me feel horrible and brings up all those emotions involving Daniel. That's not fun in the slightest. And then not going to the bonfire because Elisa was there. That's not fun in the slightest either. What am I going to do over winter break? When Daniel is here too? I don't want to see him. I think that would be too much. Which is sad, that it still is too much. And when I think about it... if Daniel or Elisa is worse... I don't know. Daniel hurt me more. But Elisa was more of a horrible person because I feel she had more control over her actions, while Daniel's were purely emotional. Still, seeing/being around either of them would be awkward. And not something that I want to do. I want to leave it all behind. So I guess, just be very wary of who I hang out with? But that makes trying to hang out with people just hard overall. Sigh. Fuck. fukcufkcufkcufkcuf i hate them =( Well I hate how they hurt me. And I hate how I still feel so many emotions involving all that. But, I'm appreciative of what I learned. Because right now I feel like I have very healthy and good relationships with the friends I've made. Well, fairly healthy. They could be better? Haha... but I'm in good control of them. I like that. But that doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt to see E/D and have to be around them and hear about their lives. I had the chance to leave that all behind, and I DID leave it all behind, and I want to keep it left behind. I feel bad about not needing anything that is here anymore. But that's just how I feel and how my life has played out, I guess. Words

[28 Nov 2009|07:42pm] I'm being really pathetic. Shit, what if it doesn't go away when I'm back in Berkeley. Words

[27 Nov 2009|02:07am] Jaded by Deadmau5 is such an amazingly beautiful song, I can't believe it; I just feel like I am flying through blossoming flowers in an alive and mystical world when I listen, seriously. I am surrounded by beauty, (why am I not taking these opportunities). Words

ladeda [27 Nov 2009|01:44am] [ music | I remember- Deadmau5 ] Maybe i'll start using this as a journal again. It's basically a private journal, because no one uses lj anymore lolzzzzz. tumblr's where it's at now apparently. But yeah, so basically no one is reading this, unless you have super good stalking skillz. in which case, I salute you, good job, as a reward I'll post shit like this as public. Though I'm trying to figure out how you would have gone about finding this... -Old friend of mine -Had to guess that I had a lj and searched with my email -There's now a tentative connection through Chuong's lj -I don't have this linked anywhere? I'm fairly certain. God I'm such a creeper. Actually, it's more a combination of a lot of free time + mild interest in the lives of people around me + making fun of people around me + the know-how to use the internet. Dunno which is worse. Oh yeah, but I also want to say: I hate people who don't know how to use the internet. More specifically, facebook. 1 // Words

Homesick [27 Nov 2009|01:40am] I miss home. It's Thanksgiving so I'm down south back in my house for a few days. This doesn't feel like home at all, I don't associate this as my home anymore. Should I feel bad about that? I don't feel a strong connection to my family, really. It's all cordial-ness now. I have friends back here, but I don't know I mean I'm fine not seeing them. No best friends, Shelly and I both ended up at Cal. And also since seeing some of these friends can also mean seeing people that really really hurt me, that makes it a lot less appealing. Also, having a shitton of work to do over the break and feeling really stressed out probably doesn't help either. But if I didn't have this work I'd just be horrifically unproductive, which is what I'm actually doing, since this paper I have to write hasn't come that far. I hate feeling this unproductive and I need to stop having so many nothing days. I miss Berkeley, unit 3, Priestly, seventh flo. That's my home now. Words

[16 Mar 2009|07:39pm] The coming months: Viento y agua pretty much as much as possible Little India daycation Various other fun things fucking it all on june 3rd helllllll yeah San fran road trip graduation ! 8TH SIERRA HIKE ! TWO WEEKS! lake Edisa... ritter & banner... :) EUROPE, ANYWHERE I WANT, WITH MY SISTER.... Greece? I'm thinking Greece. I really like the idea of Greece. Then college ! Oh god so excitinggg. 5 // Words

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